Living with ADHD

What is ADHD?

ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder) has had a lot of attention recently, as many more people are being diagnosed. For those who struggle with ADHD, life can feel like a constant treadmill of navigating the many pitfalls and struggles that can be associated with ADHD.

This article will give a bit of information about how ADHD can show up, and then look at some approaches that people can find helpful in managing some of those challenges. 

ADHD is now understood to be far from the stereotypical “naughty boy” label that it used to be seen as. There are different presentations, some people struggle more with the hyperactive side, others with the difficulties in paying attention, many struggle with both. 

Ways in which the inattentive side of ADHD can show itself include:

• Difficulty paying attention to detail.
• Making careless mistakes.
• Difficulty staying focused on tasks.
• Might not seem to be listening.
• Problems with organising tasks and work.
• Procrastinating and putting off tasks that are low in interest or take a lot of mental effort.
• Issues with losing items.
• Forgetfulness around daily tasks and appointments. 

Ways in which the hyperactive side of ADHD can show itself include:

• Fidgeting, restlessness and difficulty sitting still.
• Talking a lot, and difficulties not interrupting.
• Difficulty waiting for your turn.
• Always “on the go”.
• Difficulty controlling impulses.

If you would like to read more about the different types of ADHD and the symptoms of each, check out this resource from psychiatry.org.

Other common symptoms of ADHD

People with ADHD report a huge variety of symptoms, many of which are not considered part of the diagnostic criteria, but nonetheless have a significant impact for those who struggle with them. 

These include things like emotional dysregulation (finding it really difficult to manage the intense and often rapidly changing emotions), sleep difficulties, “overthinking”, social anxiety, issues around moderating food or alcohol intake, struggling to deal with stress, mood swings, impatience, hypersensitivity/being easily over-stimulated and more. 

In people who have been assigned female at birth, ADHD is now thought to be hugely under-diagnosed, partly due to the different ways it can show up. Girls tend to be more likely to cope in school environments, but often go on to develop anxiety and/or depression as a result of the effort it takes them to do this.

It is still unclear exactly what causes ADHD, and there are different theories about this, but we do know that heredity is a big factor.

Procrastination

Procrastination can be a massive problem for people with ADHD. It can feel like it is impossible to start a task. Maybe it’s that big essay or report that’s due, or maybe it’s just getting out of bed. 

It can be helpful to realise that this is a big part of living with ADHD for many people, and to try not to be too hard on yourself when you are struggling in this way. 

Many people also find that breaking tasks down into really small steps can help with this, as you can then tick off each step as you go. There are even apps that can support you with this and with other difficulties around organisation. Time management strategies, alarms and lists can all be really helpful, so maybe try a few different techniques, to find out which combination works best for you. 

Handling the highs and lows

Emotional dysregulation is one of the biggest issues reported by adults with ADHD. What this means is that you might be flooded with a strong emotion, very quickly and without much warning. It can then really be a struggle to work through that emotion and soothe yourself. It can also be extremely hard not to react from that place of heightened emotion, due to the difficulty controlling impulses.

Sadly, many people with ADHD have a sense of being “too emotional”, “too sensitive” or “too much” as a result of this. It’s really important to be compassionate and gentle with yourself about this. 

Setting aside the self-criticism can actually be a big help in managing emotional dysregulation. The self-judgement and shame can make it feel so much worse. 

Once you have stepped back from judging yourself, it is easier to notice what you are feeling. It can help to label that feeling.

Once you have identified what you are feeling, you might then want to spend a few moments just feeling it. It sounds easy but it can take a lot of practice! 

This is essentially a mindfulness practice and can be incredibly helpful. Try not to think about what you are feeling, just notice it in your body and allow it to be there.

You might well find by this point that the feeling is already starting to recede. 

When we are in the throwes of such strong emotion, it is really hard to think clearly, and we tend to find old, unhelpful patterns of thought coming up. So, it’s really important to notice those thoughts, and recognise that they are thoughts, not facts. 

Many people find breathing techniques helpful to reduce the adrenaline level and calm the nervous system. A good basic technique is the 7/11 breathing exercise. Breathe in through the nose for a count of 7 and out through the mouth for a count of 11. It can be at any speed, as the important thing here is the ratio. 

Other useful techniques include writing a reassuring note, having a particular picture or prompt on your home screen, or keeping a journal on hand. You could even use a piece of jewellery or clothing as an anchor to keep you grounded in reality. 

It isn’t easy, but practice makes it easier and it can really make a difference. 

Hyperactive bodies and minds

Hyperactivity can be expressed through a lot of movement in the body and an “always on the go”, fast-talking, restless, fidgety presentation, or it can be a more inward kind of hyperactivity, associated with thinking and restlessness of the mind.

This can make sleep a really difficult issue and lead to trouble with staying focused on conversations or work. It can also make it a lot harder not to “overthink” and can feel exhausting. 

Again, self-care is vital. The more tired or over-stimulated we are, the harder it is to find any kind of peace within the mind. Many people find medication really helpful with this, and that is certainly something worth discussing with your doctor or psychiatrist.

Music can be a very useful tool here, as can exercise, or getting outside. It is another area where it can be helpful to notice and be aware of your experience, so that you can try to avoid engaging with repetitive or unhelpful thought patterns.

Even something as simple as a deep breathing exercise can help to quiet the mind. 

Mindfulness can be an incredibly helpful approach, though many people with ADHD find it quite difficult to sit still and practice mindfulness. You might like to try mindful movement or yoga as an alternative.

Managing sleep

Not everyone with ADHD struggles with sleep, but for those who do, it can have a massive impact on managing the other symptoms. 

There are many different resources available online for sleep meditations or other suggestions for ways to quiet the mind, such as sleep stories, white noise (or other colours!) and breathing techniques (again, the 7/11 breathing exercise can be great here as it can soothe the mind, as well as calm the body).

Some people find it helpful to try to sleep only for a certain period of time, then to get up and go somewhere else to read or watch TV, so that you don’t associate lying in bed with being wide awake. You can then come back to bed when you think you feel sleepy and try again.

Whatever the approach, the key is to stay calm. It’s not easy but the anxiety and panic only wear us out more.

For more suggestions on how to improve your sleep, have a look at our Improve Your Sleep course.

The vital role of support

ADHD can be an extremely challenging thing to live with, but there is support out there, and this comes in many forms. It’s always worth talking to your doctor or healthcare provider to find out what professional support is available to you. 

If you don’t have a diagnosis, but suspect you have ADHD, it’s important to have a formal assessment in order to be able to access the right support. 

Many people with ADHD find medication really helps them to manage the symptoms, but this is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong. The best source of information about this will be your doctor or psychiatrist. 

Talking therapies and CBT can also be valuable, and can help you find strategies to help manage the symptoms, but also to explore the emotional aspects, such as the feelings of shame that sadly so often go hand in hand with having ADHD.

Peer support

It can be incredibly helpful to talk about how ADHD impacts you with others who understand. There is so much reassurance to be gained from hearing that we are not alone in what we are going through. Others can also offer suggestions and tips for managing particular difficulties. 

Here at Togetherall, we have many members who have first-hand experience of living with ADHD, so we hope you will feel able to reach out to them by posting in the community.

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Tips from the Wall Guides

Many of the Togetherall Wall Guides have personal experience of living with ADHD and wanted to share some tips of things that they find helpful.

• Mine would be to times everything by 3. So, if I think a job will take 10 minutes, I allocate 30 minutes.
• From my experience, I first try not to take everything very seriously. My lack of attention to detail can cause funny situations like booking accommodation and tickets to the wrong town. Now I use this situation and other similar ones as a funny story. 
• I reach out to others when I struggle with something. I find it helps to inform people about my difficulties. 
• I work out a priority on my to -do lists to save me feeling overwhelmed. Then I remove all tasks that have no time limit and write my list in priority order.
• I find doing two tasks at the same time easier, for example cleaning the house while talking to a friend on the phone. I also delegate tasks as much as possible.
• Routine and Schedule: Maintaining a consistent routine and schedule helps me have a sense of control and reduces overwhelm.
• Turn off notifications on my phone and computer using a focus filter to reduce distractions.
• Noise cancelling headphones help me create a calmer and more concentrated environment, allowing me to stay focused.
• Calendar Apps: I use a calendar app for practically everything. It is colour-coded and synced across all my devices, greatly assisting in managing ADHD paralysis and overwhelm.
• To-Do Lists: My to-do lists are well-categorized, and tasks are broken down into achievable steps where applicable. On challenging days, focusing on ‘easy wins’ (tasks that take the least amount of perceived time and effort) helps me maintain productivity and boosts my motivation to tackle other items on my list.
• Timers: I use timers to channel my focus into productive, concise intervals. This method also assists me in overcoming time blindness, particularly during periods of intense hyperfocus on specific tasks.
• Reward System: Setting small, manageable goals and rewarding myself upon their completion boosts my motivation (and dopamine). For instance, when I have numerous errands, I schedule a ‘fun’ activity midway to keep my spirits high.
• Dopaminergic Coping Skills. Dopamine plays a role in our memory, motivation, mood, attention and learning, so I try to focus on healthy activities and strategies that are associated with increasing dopamine. This could be listening to a podcast, yoga, breathwork, mindfulness, or playing with my dog.
• I set all of my bills to auto-pay to help decrease the likelihood of missing a payment because I do not remember when anything is due.

To sum up…

For many people with ADHD, the shame and self-criticism are so engrained that we don’t always notice them. People report not feeling like a “proper” adult, or a feeling of being an imposter, just waiting to be found out. 

There is often a sense of having to work really hard to manage what others seem to do easily. With this in mind, do remember that living with ADHD can be really hard at times. 

By laying down a strong foundation of self-care, you are doing all that you can to nourish and look after yourself. Seek all the support that you can find, read up on ADHD, talk to others who understand what it is like and, above all, go easy on yourself – you are doing the best you can.

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